Poetry: Selections from Garret Schuelke

“10 Year”

The monthly anniversary
sheet left the
"S" out of
my inclusion of
yearly anniversary's,
so it says
I said to
my coworker, Chad,
"I'm not surprised
at all – any
kind of special
occasion for me
always gets fucked
up in some
I just hope
it's never bad
enough to completely
ruin my day."

I was surprised
though by the
lack of ceremony
compared to my
fifth year anniversary –
no certificate,
no special pin,
no supervisor I
can barely tolerate
to shake my
Just 1,000 spending

So yeah,
VASTLY better than
the fifth anniversary.

Chad and I
are in the
lunchroom for our
first break.
Announcement comes over
the speaker declaring
it's time for
the weekly huddle
We're on break,
so fuck that
dumb shit.
A manager walks
by and asks
us why we're
not at the
We tell him
why, and he
"Well, you should
plan your breaks
around them,"
and walks away.

Before he's even
out of earshot,
we go
and laugh.

An absolutely Perfect
response, 10 years
in the making.

I can only
wonder what my
responses to managers
will be when
I hit the
20 year mark.

Moron Rising

Idiot has finally
done what he's
been claiming he
was gonna do
for months:

Like what we
all do occasionally,
we just thought
he was talking
big in order
to amp up
his ego, make
himself seem principled,
or portray himself
as a innocent,
brave, persecuted worker
who was finally
telling the higher
ups to shove

Goddamn, did Idiot
ever show all
us up.
His bloodline seems
to be stronger
than we could
ever imagine!

He said he
planned on getting
a job at
the Amazon Warehouse.
We tried to
talk him out
of it, since
it's not only
a harder job,
but there's no
way he'll get
away with all
the bullshit he
could do here,
due to their
surveillance, and being

He shook off
all our warnings,
and we started
making bets on
how long he'll
last, and speculating
what EXACTLY would
get him shitcanned
from there.

Will Idiot freak
out over literally
being forced to
stay in one
area for an
extended amount of

Will he fall
asleep in the
bathroom, and be
shocked to find
out that management
is closely monitoring
his toilet usage?

Will he just
straight up disappear
for hours at
a time when
he's assigned custodial

Or will he
just go off
into a dark
corner, or behind
a compactor, or
something, and pick
his nose until
a supervisor comes
across him, and
he gets asked,
simply, "WHAT THE

While we wait
and see, we
promptly crowned the
new, official, stupidest
clerk in the


A much more
vicious nickname than
Idiot's, but she
possesses the one
attribute that Idiot
doesn't have:


I first met
Moron during my
beginnings in G.
She sideswiped the
back end of
my mid-rider,
sending my stacked
totes to the
ground, spreading my
Christmas selections all
I screamed at
her, but she
ignored me and
collided with another
clerks mid-rider,
sending their totes
tumbling, ignoring their
screams as well.
I reported her
to Player Supervisor,
who had just
started in his
managerial position.
He bitched her
out, and like
every other burnt
out Boomer in
this shithole, whined
about people picking
on her.

Moron has no
sense shame or
awareness of what
those around her
react to her

She will blatantly
under pick assignments - even
when there is
a line of
clerks behind her,
witnessing and complaining.

She will smash,
crash, and bash
into people, and
get in their
way as she
moseys along, or
talks on her

She will look
you in the
eye for a
few seconds to
insult and dismiss
you when you
confront her on
her behavior, then
act like nothing

Hence our nickname
for her:

She's Moron not
just because she's
dumb on a
base level, but
like Idiot, she
just does not
realize how her
stupidity affects everyone
around her.

Not that she
would care.

Unlike Idiot though,
you can sense
the possible tragedy
in her life.

She's constantly arguing
with her husband
over the phone -
loud enough for
all of us
to hear.
Chad was once
in the bathroom
dooking, and heard
her screech, from
her stall in
the women's restroom:

Her son, who
is a thug
asshole that goes
out of his
way to look
intimidating, spent his
short tenure at
the warehouse threatening
to beat down,
and straight up
murder, his co-workers,
before he finally
got fired after
threatening to intentionally
hurt himself if
he wasn't given
the day off
he requested.

And most of
the time, when
she's walking around,
she holds herself -
her arms firmly
wrapped around her
old, frail body.
It could be
a boiling summer
day - nearly a
hundred degrees in
the warehouse - and
she'll walk around
like she's freezing,
in her ancient
Reba McEntire shirt,
eyes to the
floor, lips pursed.

It's an image
that presses your
empathy button.
You start to
feel bad for
the things you've
said or thought
about her, even
if you are
in the right.

Then you're told
by a friend
that, for God-knows
what reason, she's
been going around
telling people that
you're a special
needs welfare case,
and all that
goodwill goes right
out the fucking

We didn't know
what we had
with Idiot.
Rather than mock
him whenever his
belt broke (and
he looked like
he was jacking
off when trying
to repair it),
or roll our
eyes when he
told us why
dinosaurs never truly
existed, or bitching
about how he
never did his
assigned jobs properly,
we should have
been honoring his
hilarious laziness
and ineptitude, because
we'd rather have
that than the
meanness and darkness
that Moron spreads
wherever she goes.


Even if the
bulb is dull
and constantly flickering.

The Covid Life: Holidays 2029

Seven Covid cases,
the most we've
had in one

I don't even
have it in
me to crack
any jokes - I'm
legitimately disgusted by
how everyone in
this shithole warehouse
is behaving this
Holiday season.

Team members either
wear their masks
improperly, or only
put them on
if management comes
They bitch constantly
about losing their
jobs if the
developing vaccine is
"mandated", and try
to act tough
by saying you're
a pussy or
just have a
weak immune system
if you catch

Temps will blatantly
NOT wear masks,
never cover their
mouths when they
cough or sneeze,
and then have
the nerve to
talk shit,
or spew garbage
like "You know
Covid is just
a Chinese hoax
to defeat Trump,

Management will talk
a hard game
about forcing people
to mask up,
but will never
enforce any rules,
whether it's company
or government mandated.
But then again,
why would they
even try?
The company has
been making record
profits in 2020 -
every day is
basically like Black
Friday to them,
with how everyone
is panic buying.
And who's gonna
waste their time
trying to report
them, the multi-billion
dollar corporation that
will just pay
any inspectors off?

Seven cases this
week, in the
middle of the
Holiday season, and
I'm actually scared.

We're all stuffed
together in Mod
I can't even
tell preciously how
many people we
have, but it's
enough that we're
barely able to
move, much less
select or make
space for one

The track is filled with so many totes that it automatically jams the conveyor belt.

The compactor alarm has been going off for over ten minutes now, and is overflowing.

Empty boxes litter the shelves and floor.

The temp that's been screaming at people and making threats has yet to be fired despite all of us reporting him.

The annoying asshole working the track constantly runs up and screams to stop working due to product overflow

The special needs guy uses his hulking build and strength to just barrel down the aisle, not caring who he hurts because he's empowered by the nervous, angry energy emitting from the area.

I get a huge paper cut on my hand - one that I couldn't stop from slicing through my flesh like it was butter.

I stuff my
pick and selections
under the track
and run to
the bathroom.
I get the cut
under control, and
return to the Mod.
I see some
coworkers arguing with
Christian Supervisor.
I ask them
what that was
about, and they
complained that conditions
in the mod
were unsafe due
to the plague.

Christian Supervisor said
he didn't care,
and to either
keep working, or

Pretty rich coming
from a dickhead
who himself caught
Covid - most likely
from the mini mall-
based cult church
he attends.

I continue waiting
to recover from
my cut, and
really, who cares
about making rate
right now?
Seven people were
infected this week,
all because of
nonsense like this.

Shithole Warehouse has
truly powered up
to Hellhole Warehouse.

The outrage spreads,
and ALOT of
workers claim they
plan on reporting
the warehouse to
the State for
ignoring Covid guidelines.

I know there's
around a 99%
it won't work,
but I'll partake
in it as
well, because despite
how nihilistic this
Holiday season has
been, I still
got that spark
of Hope within
me that we,
the Proletariat, can
fuck over the
company just as
bad as they've
fucked us.

Garret Schuelke is the author of the GODAN series (Bakunin Incorporated), WHUP JAMBOREE: STORIES (Elmblad Media Group), and ANAMAKEE (Riot Forge Studios). He hosts The Garret Schuelke Podcast, and makes music under the moniker Neobeatglory. He currently resides in Grand Rapids, Michigan.