Poetry: who may sue and be sued by Adam Johnson
who may sue and be sued
"your honoring i don't know much about the law" from
the man dressed in hideous matlock drag and
entering the courthouse for his divorce case,
secretly strapped with dynamite
"have a seat, we haven't called your case
yet mr. - "
"i'm on my last legs our honor."
"we'll get to you shortly."
the judge texts her law clerk "lol"
charles was a learned painter
he wore leather and listened to nirvana but
never found it
his old boss at subway dealt in left-handed compliments
charles has always been an artist and he's
working on his installation: "abuses of uses"
a giant replica of a seafood sub with
huge mammary developments
and a jewish star
charles is an anti-semite and
he wants to make waves
joshua swallowed the pardoner's mitten
"that's code for - "
"shut the fuck up bryan!"
tom the lawyer, yeah, pari passu,
at the same time, equal degrees
(two or more schemes carried out
at once, doncha-know)
so anyway tom smokes crack
with his clients and bills them for the time
only at half-rate, &c.
he couldn't write a legal brief to save his life
and he lives in paper house
on paper credit like
a paper king
it is not an earthly paradise
in fact, he is surrounded by asbestos
injuries to a husband include
abduction and adultery &
beating or otherwise ill-using a man's wife
these are offenses against the man
not the wife
"no it's just old shit you have to learn for the bar lol"
"holy shit i was like - "
"let's go get wine drunk."
kotton has his introduction
maria was black and beautiful
i don't know why but one day
she just walked down to the pond,
filled her pockets with soil,
and walked in
it was behind craig's house,
his american name,
he was a fabulous egyptian
i hate brunch
look at the people
i am beginning to think that
i should paint with watercolors
rather than acrylic because
of a sensitivity to laser tag
and this shit i saw in the gazette
"it's the anniversary of harper's death'
"five foot harper?
"five foot harper. she was a dame."
"that's for you to say. i haven't a clue."
"i don't really either."
mary anne sits all day staring
into her clouded cane and drinking
tequilas mixed with ovaltine
she has strong bones and
a foot that grew backward
she was in theater for a spell,
but only as a groundling
"whatever, let's go to the circle k"
look there she is in the window
that's not her
hubert built an astrological house
and sat in it
he was so bored that he just moved
the earth around in his little truck
he bought flowers for the 14-year-old
at the drive-through coffeeshop and
her dad drove over and beat the living
fuck out of him
marty quit driving cab because his
back mice finally got to him
he had them incised and they grew
back like there was cheese hiding
on his insides lol
"are you a doctor?"
"in fact, yes."
last year boris did rock the vote
and did the march of dimes on top
of a 5k for the victims of hurricane biden
he has a figure of fun and built
a little fountain in his yard that the kids
throw coins in
he secretly records people from his front window
this is antisocial but all of his
good deeds cancel it out
he is an even stephen
"well you raise a good point and i
don't know if plato - oh sorry, i'm on hold
yes, make that a 20-piece nugget
and extra ranch and - hang on - "
sotto voce: "what. oh okay."
and a large coke [to mix with southern comfort]
"good afternoon, Goyim Goyim & Goyim."
"is tom in?"
"he's in court, can i take a message or
would you like to talk to samantha?"
"you mean that bitch who fucked up my divorce?"
brandon has moved three times in three years
and each time has removed and rescrewed one
of those old pencil sharpeners
he works for an internet co. and plays
blackjack until dawn
he's not so bad except for that murder
he got away with
john loses everything and dresses
like an ostrich
he orders the deluxe wash with a wax seal
and gets out of his car in the middle of it
he finally feels
hick ben is still in prison
everyone else associated with the case is dead,
with the exception of His Honor,
who is in boca raton
"you should write a book about it"
"it's not interesting. and the whole
world is a potter's field in time."
tom's ex-law clerk came out to
him by text
tom was sitting next to him
at the marriott bar at the time
some things are easier typed
there was a reference to powdering a jacket
tom ordered more long islands
suzanne left the bay
and tore the flower power sticker off
she detransitioned and gets
health insurance from trader joes
she is still commie but complains
about the lines at costco
she's actually not that bad
"is she though?"
"for real cuh."
thomas lost his maga hat
and therefore and expertly
ordered sixteen more AR's
he buries most of them
in plastic totes in the backyard
in case the feds descend
he visits MSNBC and daily kos a
few times per day as digital cover
he is working on a manuscript to
send to some filthy fucking internet
i miss my best friend
it's me, hi, i'm the problem it's me
it's literally black thursday as i write this
have you read harry's book?
yes, and I think it is on the best seller's list
for a reason
you mean because he's royalty?
no because he's a cunt
"you're only saying that because you can."
"another long island tom?"
"yeah, and one for my friend here."
(tom is about to ask the dungeons and dragons question)
"must have rubbed off."
"girl i used to date, she's a waitress."
[only moments later in the special court of jurisdiction, Bridges restaurant]
"does your friend have a friend?"
"hey, it's the 90s"
lauren had six skinny bee marharitas at
a select neighborhood grill,
broke out her dancing sticks
and pulled her skirt over her head before 6 PM
she was 86'd and forgot,
and told she had to leave
when she showed up with her
kids the next week
they showed her the photo
of the rose on her ass that
was making its rounds among
the line cooks
"i should like to see the color
of your money"
"ladies and gentlemen,
we got him."
it's a pop quiz, though
you haven't a clue
the syllabus is not up
and the professor leaps
from the chapel
"holy shit that's a bad play."
megan always said
the ends justified the means
"yeah bro but like, really?"
i will not sit her and let you downplay
your role in this, you have -
"lady there's lipstick all over your fucking
face and this is a cousin's subs, not a jersey mike's
and my name is Alan, not Eric, Jesus Christ."
tom consumedly consumed 8 long islands
and called it the abatement of liquor
by an individual, did a few lines of coke with
his ex-law clerk, and gave the poor devil
the irish goodbye
"that fucking tom."
Adam Johnson lives in Minnesota