Jouissance and I!


By G.R. Tomaini

Adapted From Richard Wagner’s Siegfried:
Tomaini thought Dorotheenstadt Cemetery spooky at nighttime. He journeyed there at the bidding of Leibniz, his master, whose advice had successfully navigated him through all previous trials. He found the gravestone of Hegel with relative ease. That would be the easy part, compared with what was to come. Three candles were lit around the gravestone, one for Plato, one for Leibniz, and one for Kant: the three ascended masters. He began to chant the words that Leibniz said would summon the great poltergeist, followed by the shrill blast of an especially enchanted kazoo. Hegelsgeist could not resist inspecting the preposterous noise that dared interrupt his speculation. Tomaini: Ha ha! At last with my call. I have lured something lovely! What a pretty playmate I’ve found! Hegelsgeist: Who is there? Tomaini: Hi, so you’re a geist who can speak to me; perhaps you’ve some news to tell me? Can you tell me what dialectics might be: are you prepared to teach me? Hegelsgeist: You are far too bold! Tomaini: Bold, maybe far too bold, I know not! I know that I will fight you, if you can’t teach me dialectics. Hegelsgeist: You make me laugh! Intrigue I wanted, now I have found another philosopher to devour! Hegelsgeist opened his Science of Logic and showed off his table of contents. Tomaini: What a splendid array of dazzling dialectics, glinting and glistening within the Science of Logic! Well, maybe it’s wiser to close your Science of Logic: your table of contents is far too open to critique! Hegelsgeist: For idle chatter, far too wide; but all the better for my next philosophical meal! He then threatened Tomaini with his notion of the Ethical Life. Tomaini: Oho! You cruel merciless brute! But I’ve no wish to be your late night snack. Far better plan, I think, to destroy you here on the spot! Hegelsgeist: Roar! Pruh! Come, you insolent boy! Tomaini: Take care, growler! The boy draws near! Tomaini drew his copy of Leibniz’s Monadology, sprung toward Hegelsgeist, and stood in an attitude of defiance. Hegelsgeist dragged himself further up the knoll and Yeatsianly churned a gyre from his Phenomenology of Mind at Tomaini. Tomaini avoided the unhappy consciousness, leapt nearer, and stood to one side. Hegelsgeist tried to reach him with his Lectures on the Philosophy of History. When Hegelsgeist had nearly caught Tomaini, then Tomaini lept with one bound over the geist, and wounded him in his Lectures on the Philosophy of Religion. Hegelsgeist roared, and drew his Lectures on the Philosophy of Religion back quickly, and reared up the front part of his Science of Logic to throw its full weight upon Tomaini, thus exposing his negative dialectics. Tomaini quickly noted the place of Hegelsgeist’s Core Script and plunged Leibniz’s Discourse on Metaphysics in there up to the limit. Hegelsgeist reared up still higher in his pain, and sunk down on the wound, as Tomaini let go of the Discourse on Metaphysics and leapt to one side. Tomaini: So there, merciless brute! The Discourse on Metaphysics now has destroyed you! In a weaker voice, Hegelsgeist said: who are you, youthful hero, who has pierced my negative dialectics? Who roused up your fearless heart to this murderous deed? And who told you to do what you have done? Tomaini: Not much have I learned; I know not who I am; but you roused me to kill you, prompted my deed by your threat. Hegelsgeist: So bold, youthful, and fearless,
unknown to yourself: now let me tell you whom you’ve killed. The last of the German Idealists who ruled on the earth, Schelling and Hegel, the brothers, both have now fallen. For the cursed dialectics we gained from Johann Gottfried von Herder, I put Schelling to death. In geist form, the treasure’s guardian, Hegel, the last of the German Idealists, falls at the hand of a boy. Guard yourself well, bold, fearless hero! He who urged you on to this deed, has planned next this bold hero’s death. Hegelsgeist faded into the dialectical fields. Hegelsgeist: Mark how it ends then! Recall my fate! Tomaini: Who was my Diotima? Do you not know? Wisdom inspires you now you are dying: maybe my name will tell you: Tomaini, that is my name. Hegelsgeist: Tomaini!…

G.R. Tomaini is a prolific writer and thinker known for his contributions in poetry, philosophy, ethics, global justice, and theology. As a First-Generation LGBTQ Federal McNair Scholar, he has authored nine books, including seven captivating poetry collections. His philosophical monographs are the “Encyclopedia of American Idealism: Toward a Novel Method and System of Philosophy,” and the “Tractatus Perfectio-Philosophicus: Or, Discourses on the Dharma of Civilization and its Odyssey toward International Harmony.” Tomaini's poetry books, such as "Ballad of An American Ganymede: Explorations of Queeritude In Fifty Seven Cantos" and "The Rainbow Cantos: Two Attempts At Queering The Canon," have received critical attention. His works have been featured in esteemed publications, including those by Outcast Press, Selcouth Station Press, Agapanthus Collective, and Roi Fainéant Press. Notably, Tomaini's writings have garnered recognition from influential intellectuals like Cornel West, Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, and Slavoj Žižek. To explore Tomaini's poetry and more, you can visit his website or follow him on Twitter @Gtomaini. He resides on the Jersey Shore.